


Dear Shouyou (Love, Kei)

by lovelycherryblondelocks



Series: Love, Kei [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Implied Oikage, M/M, Mentioned Akatsukki, Mentioned Osatsukki, Mentioned Ushitsukki, Past Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Prequel to Dear Julien, mentioned kurotsukki, unedited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:56:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27578830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovelycherryblondelocks/pseuds/lovelycherryblondelocks
Summary: * Set before Dear Julien (Love, Kei)Shouyou is livid. It's midnight and someone is knocking on his door.He opens and comes face to face with a long lost friend."Hello Dumbo, I need your help."Tsukishima Kei visits him after years of no contact. Much thinner and with a child in his arms.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio & Tsukishima Kei & Yachi Hitoka & Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Love, Kei [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2015272
Comments: 29
Kudos: 132





	Dear Shouyou (Love, Kei)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this on impulse. I had the sudden urge to write about first-year friendship again so here we are. This is set before Julien meets Keiji. I strongly suggest for those who are new to this series to check out the first part first.
> 
> Forgive me for any overlooked errors and as always, have a good read <3

_Dear Dumbo,_

_I heard you and King are famous now. Hope you don't forget us lowborns just because._

_I'm looking forward to my gifts, they better be worth your payraise._

_Stay stupid, stupid._

_Love, Kei_

*

Shouyou is livid. He is not one to raise hellfire or call upon the wrath of Satan's demons. But he is absolutely, inconsolably livid. 

Midnight. Shouyou only has free, undisturbed sexy time at midnight because the neighbours are party-brats and the love of his life is a godsend who only has three hours each day to amuse Shouyou and his insatiable needs. _Needs_ that whoever is knocking on his door does not have any right to deny him of. 

So yes, Shouyou is livid. And no, the person at his doorstep will not be spared.

He stomps on the ground, like a hulking goblin on a speedway about to spout colourful curses. Three strides in and he has his fists clenched. The crease of his forehead is noticeably wider. It paints a picture of a scowling arch sharper than steel knives. Atsumu follows after him with a languid pace. He laughs at the absurdity of Shouyou's gait, breath sparse from all the tousling in the sheets. 

"Take it easy," Atsumu warns when Shouyou stumbles on the steps. The younger hears him shuffle from behind, content on leaning by the narrow entryway's wall. He yawns listlessly as he adds, "Might be important."

"Better be." Shouyou grumbles. "If not, I'm going to shorten someone's life-span today."

One swing at the door has him swallowing all of his threats back. Shouyou shifts, posture straight and immobile. The hush of a new day's breeze bites at his skin. Muted whispers of last week's storms still hang in the air, cold and scathing. But Shouyou does not mind any of that. Shouyou falls inattentive to everything. 

"Hello Dumbo, I need your help."

Everything but one.

Midnight. The only time Shouyou has free reigns to his life without the relentless disruptions of practice matches, unscheduled interviews and meddlesome fans. The only time Shouyou begins to abhor the things he loves in exchange for a modicum of rest -

"Kei?" Shouyou croaks, gasping.

Tsukishima Kei appears in front of him, worryingly thinner than the last he's seen of him. His face is still as impassive as ever. But Shouyou notices the change too - a feat he'd only achieved from the yearslong of distance and scarce communication with the man. Beyond the aloof disposition bears a picture of kinder eyes, longer locks and thicker lashes. And a sad, _sad_ smile.

"Papa?"

\- Oh look, he also has a kid in his arms.

It's the beginning of Monday again. Rigorous training, jarring trips and hectic routines. Shouyou likes to think he's a _ready-man_ , the sort of man who's prepared for anything bizarrely out of place. He has mastered the art of it that he doesn't fall prey to sneaky surprises anymore. Shouyou has witnessed and lived through many changes in his life. But nothing ever comes close to the tumultuous shift-in-tides that is Kei's inexplicable existence.

Tsukishima Kei's unabashed emergence and the bonus addition of a child, a child who looks just like him - easily knocks down all of Shouyou's senses. Declined of the chance to plan ahead, Shouyou simply gapes.

And then he faints. 

The restive noises that follow afterwards are smothered by the ringing alarms that endlessly pierced his ears.

*

The clock snicks and bellows at 1. Shouyou anticipates another click and winces at the seconds. _57, 58, 59_ \- and now the world is awake at 2. Shouyou has been awake since 9 and all the counting is making him dizzy. 

"So why France?" He does not stall. Atsumu pushes an ice pack to the throbbing bump on his temple and leaves impishly right before the tension drags. The man had warmly invited Julien to a separate room, perhaps to boast about his volleyball achievements and gain another starry-eyed fan. 

Shouyou does not berate him for his exit. He monopolises the other side of the table, where he sits a surly policeman in the middle of a morose interrogation scene. Kei is seated across, uncharacteristically timid. His shoulders are frail, fingers bony and cheekbones more pronounced. Even when dishevelled he appears graceful. 

Kei twirls a finger around the porcelain cup. His nails are painted with the same shade as its flowers. Pale pink like the soft hues of winter skies. "I thought I could use some fresh air there." 

Shouyou regards his reasoning with canny glances. Like this, tone weak with a rasp that no hot beverage could drain, Kei is less himself. He is open, vulnerable - in a state Shouyou has rarely seen him in. Shouyou instantly decides he hates it. But he must not relent. Not yet. Years of no contact has prickled at his chest with a foreboding feeling of betrayal.

So he folds his arms, face still as the motionless mountains. It's a typicality deserving of Kei's character than his. And yet, funnily enough, they have that normalcy misplaced. 

" _Uh-huh_ and what made you think it was a good idea to leave in the first place?"

"Please, are you really going to ask me that?" Kei has to gall to huff at it like a jest. He schools his expression to a taciturn one when Shouyou shoots him a scolding glare. 

"Try me." He dares. The flippant chatters from the other room augment. But the atmosphere is much reserved in theirs.

"Alright, fine." Kei unlocks his fingers from their fidgeting and petulantly gestures. Murmuring in diffidence, he explains, "I had an epiphany."

The older squints. "An epiphany."

"More or less." Kei sighs. It drawls, edge frayed and wearied. He lays both palms on his lap and the insecure arch of his shoulders appears again. "I was working a worthless job. I just got out of another failed relationship and kicked out of my apartment." 

Shouyou wrinkles his nose at the reminder. "I was willing to offer mine. Tobio was too."

"But you were also going through a messy break-up. I didn't want to be a burden." 

"You're our friend! You were never a burden." He protests in exasperation. They had talked about this before. Each time one person feels the weight of a crashing asteroid on their shoulders, unsure of their reality, one of them would promise to stay. _Five forever_ had been their motto. Even when Tobio and Kei had grouchily objected against the brand, it had been theirs to own. Always. 

"Tobio and I had a tough time, sure. But that was only because we were still trying to figure out where we would stand next. We were fine. The break was mutual and even when we ended up sobbing we were fine afterwards." 

Shouyou distinctly remembers the ache, the waning defiance against a phase-out that couldn't leave them. Tobio was happy. He was too. They were just better as two separate people. Most of their peers thought them impulsive and even offered solace, to soothe the unending arguments and mordant threats, intent on salvaging whatever merits had been left to compensate for a dying relationship. Shouyou knew there was no chance of recovery. Tobio did too. They had long concluded they were meant to be friends and nothing more.

He was fine. Tobio was fine. 

Kei was not. He'd been through the same thing over and over again and he wasn't as fine as they were. With Kuroo-san especially. Shouyou stings just at the thought of it.

"You were never a burden." So he assures. "But even if you were, I would willingly let you be one." Anything to stop him from running off to a foreign country and wallowing in his misery. Alone. With no one to turn to. 

His unvoiced musings reach Kei. The blonde offers him a smile. It does not have the same youthful spark as the one Shouyou would see him hide during their younger days. It does not hold as much zeal as the one he would show them every time Tobio said something idiotic or Shouyou did something more moronic. But it holds a promise of its own. _Thank you_ , it means to say.

Kei nibbles on his lips and taps a slow-paced rhythm on the brim of his cup. "The point is, I realised I was fucking my life up and I didn't think Japan could offer me anything good." 

"And you think another country would?" Shouyou poses, less of an accusation and more of an attempt to understand. He would be a fool to think he could understand the entirety of Kei's peculiarities, but even the barest modicum of it would be fine. Kei had been the same to him. 

"Kind of." The man says, shrugging."Nii-san offered to take me with him to France. Considering I was out of luck here, I decided to follow him." 

Another cackle resounds from their left. Shouyou vaguely makes out Atsumu's ceaseless ramblings and Julien's awestruck comments in between. 

"And the kid?" Reminding himself of the boy's existence makes the situation more real. All misguided assumptions and colourful _what-ifs_ are eschewed just from heeding to the child's soft giggles. Warm and balmy like the summer rays of Miyagi. Like home.

"Aki's." Kei admits frankly. But his voice bears an ardent pause. One glance at his downcast eyes and Shouyou is already surmising the worst. "This is probably the right time for me to say that he, _uh_ , passed away."

"When?" His question wanes to a cracked whisper. Shouyou's eyes water in discomfort. He blinks the grief away and finds the prick in his heart double. Seeing Kei here, out of the place he'd deemed his comfort, with a kid no older than seven and a body that is strangely amiss - Shouyou _aches_ for him. He _aches_ for Kei. 

"About a year after Julien was born. He and his wife got in a car crash. That's about as typical as death could get." The blonde replies in a string of sighs. His chest heaves. Up and down, as if to count what air he has left and shut down any unbidden urge to cry. Kei is not one to openly show himself like this. Shouyou could recount the few times he'd voluntarily sought them out for consolation. And they had been sporadic at best.

"Why- why didn't you tell us?" He begins to prattle. His volume amplifies by the fleeting seconds, stomach lurching with remorse and frustration all at once. "I get that you didn't want to contact Kuroo-san, or A-Akaashi-san but... we were your friends, _are_ your friends. We promised to have each other's back, didn't we? I..." _I_ _didn't think you'd forget us too_.

Kei gives him a soundless chuckle, monotonous and spiteful. At himself. At the world. 

"Funnily, I couldn't forget. Even when I was there." The drumming beats waver and wilt. Suddenly, the tranquillity of their bubble inflates into a deafening stillness. Then it pops, the hush of Kei's words scorching. 

"I just... I couldn't bear the thought of another fuck-up. I was already settled in France, had a good job and met wonderful people. I missed you. All of you. But I didn't want to face another regret. I didn't want to face the fact that I made a mistake when I was already there. Miles away from here. From home."

Shouyou breathes. _In and out. In and out._ He puts on a grin, less cheerful than the ones he flashes to the camera or the dopey ones he teases his friends with. It's the kind of grin reserved for days he feels the most honest. The most truthful to himself and to the world.

"Okay." He exhales. Finally, with all hardened pretences gone, he takes Kei's hands in his. The knuckles are pink, flushed and prominent beneath his caresses. It feels sickly. Kei _feels_ sickly. 

"But you're here now right? That's all that matters. You said you wanted to raise Julien. With us."

Kei desperately latches on to his hold like a lifeline. The soft pads of his thumb presses, eager for contact. "Yeah., I- _uh_ , yeah. And I trust you with him it's..." 

"What is it this time?" And again, Shouyou braces himself for the worst.

"I'm dying."

But even his preparation falls short for _that_.

"What?" 

He blinks. Five times. His lungs constrict and he tries to remember how to take in air again.

"I only have two months, Shouyou. I figured if I brought Julien here, someone could watch over him."

"You're dying." Repeating it to himself does not give him any sense of repose. It only batters his already jaded gasps. 

Kei pulls him back to reality with just the thin volume of his voice. "I plan on going back for my last days."

"Wait, hang on." Shouyou perks. His grasp on the other clenches, locked firmly with no chance of escape. He fears the day he'll have to let go of Kei again. "Why? Why can't you just stay here? You're always leaving. It would be better if you're only leaving us, but now you're - you're... you're leaving Julien too?" 

Why is he like this? What is going on in his mind? Why does he keep hurting and hurting? Shouyou, for the life of him, cannot comprehend his enigmatic assholery. 

"Just this once." Kei voices aloud. Sure but pleading. "I don't want him to grieve again."

*

_Dear Dumbo,_

_I keep remembering that time you and Tobio fought and slipped into a well._

_Daichi-san couldn't grasp how you got there that it took him a long while to ask for help._

_Every time I get reminded of your stupidity, I can't help but laugh out loud. Now my co-workers think I'm crazy._

_Stay safe okay? One of these days your idiocy might kill you._

_Love, Kei_

*

The second Tadashi laid his eyes on Kei, he yelled openly and slapped him straight to the cheek. The wailing hugs had followed afterwards when Yachi, the resident peacemaker had berated her husband for his rash action. Tobio had arrived later, out of breath but brimming with unrestrained strength that almost crushed Kei in his embrace. They had been ecstatic. Mad, but ecstatic nonetheless.

All the greetings that never reached Kei, the messages of _goodlucks, happy birthdays and how are yous -_ they've all been said and strewn, led adrift by a string of senseless babbles and watery scoldings.

The ambience had been too happy. Neither Shouyou nor Kei had the audacity to break it with any news of death or nearing death. It didn't stop the guilt that seethed in Shouyou's being, the stabbing sensation of fright and hopelessness. Kei could be so, _so_ cruel sometimes. 

"So you're married?" He plays off the nonchalance well. And if the others noticed the unhealthy sheen of his complexion or the protruding collarbones that peek through his thin shirt, they do not mention anything about it. Right now, at this very moment, they are grateful. Shouyou unabashedly relies on them for a smidgen of courage.

Tadashi and Yachi show off their rings in unison. It glimmers, bright and golden. Shouyou nearly forgets the sky is barely at it's 4 am glow. 

"We held it at the beach," Yachi recalls fondly. "The whole Karasuno was there."

"O-of course we wanted you to be there," Tadashi added. He purses his lips, fumbling until he sags. "But we didn't know any way to contact you. Akiteru-san wasn't answering either."

Shouyou shares a look at Kei. _Not now_ , they both agree.

"Anyway, what matters is now." Yachi beams. The ring on her finger clings as she gesticulates, reminded of something she must have waited for exuberantly to talk about. "Right now, I just want to know all about what you've been up to. And don't forget to tell me about Julien."

Tobio snorts at his own musings before he speaks. For sure, he has another endearing insult to throw the man. 

"You ghost us for years and come back with a kid. And here Sawamura-san thought you would be the last candidate to become a young father."

"Now don't go projecting your insecurities on me, young man." Kei tuts. He jokes freely, like there was not a distance to deter him from matching the playfulness of Tobio's jibes. "I heard you aren't faring any better. Oikawa-san? Really, you couldn't choose the _better_ friend?"

"I was surprised myself." Tobio blatantly confesses. "Didn't think I had it in me to date trash."

Yachi chastises him with the jab of her elbow. "Tobio-kun! Oikawa-san would be devastated to hear that." 

"But it's true." Kei comes to his aid and snickers at his silly expression. "Still worked out for you, didn't it?"

Tobio scoffs and rolls his eyes. He shows no hesitance even as he bares them all a loving smile. Laden with tender warmth and affection. _Content_. Tobio is undoubtedly content. Shouyou brims with pride when he sees him like this. 

"Better than I ever imagined." Tobio answers. 

Kei ganders at him in that pleased and genuine way. The chin he laid atop his palm tilts further. At last, his smile reaches his eyes.

"I'm happy for you." He admits. Shouyou hears no envy or animosity dally in his pause. "Truly happy for all of you."

And it hits Shouyou. How much Kei has missed. How many more stories he has yet to tell Kei and how many he has to share in return. The days of waiting for it has happened now, and Shouyou fears there's not enough time to talk about the changes they have been recording for each other. 

_Hey Kei_ , he wants to start. _Daichi-san is a policeman now, don’t you know? Sugawara-san teaches elementary kids and coaches volleyball too. I'm sure you've seen Asahi-san's fashion shows already. He's been all over the news. Nishinoya-san is still travelling the world with him. Lately, he's been posting more and more videos of himself doing crazy stunts. Kiyoko-san is a Tanaka now, I'm sure you're shocked. We were too. They're all doing fine. Ennoshita-san, Narita-san and Kinoshita-san. We've been doing well._

_Have you?_

"Hey Kei," But Shouyou starts with something else. Kei knowingly hearkens to his call. The rest of the room patiently waits. "I think you should tell them."

He closes his eyes as Kei does as asked. His lids are shut even when he hears Yachi choke on a sob.

Julien is asleep. Atsumu had dutifully kept him company and even read him a book or two. Distantly, Shouyou wonders if Julien should know too. 

_I can't let him grieve again._ The ghost of Kei's request hinders him from uttering a single sentence. 

*

They each have a tradition. A habit of sorts that they have cultivated over an eventuality of circumstances. For Tadashi and Yachi, they have their own inside jokes, shared only within the bounds of their privacy. For Shouyou and Tadashi, they have their monthly visits to the shrine, fraught with worries for a future that they converse about over a cup of hot chocolate after delivering their prayers. 

For Tobio and Kei, they hold counselling sessions in dingy patios. It doesn't matter whose patio it is they're laying their sorrows bare or leaning against. They have a spot seemingly arranged for them and their quiet talks. And much of their secrets, even the ones Shoyou, Tadashi and Yachi have not been privy to, are kept well within the constraints of small patios and their rusting handrails. 

They've made it their own thing that Shouyou learned not to gripe about the secrecy anymore. Neither Tadashi nor Yachi had any qualms against it. 

It's the later morning of Monday when Shouyou finally catches a bit of the furtiveness. It had been an honest accident, one Shouyou is both ashamed and proud of. He only meant to search for water to placate the dryness in his throat. The duo surely did not suppose anyone would be awake from the impromptu sleepover to eavesdrop on them. 

"Will you ever call him?" 

Tobio's voice carries a distinct raspiness that Shouyou easily recognizes.

"I don't know."

Kei's is more elusive. Years of picking apart the layers of it has made Shouyou an expert at the emotions it intones. Today, Kei is mellow. Drowsy but ruminative. Shouyou can paint the furrow of his brows, the indentions of an overwhelmed frown etched in his face and the misgivings of each wrinkle. 

"Akaashi-san has been asking about you," Tobio says. Not an ounce of reluctance. "He's been calling us, wondering if you'd ever answer back."

Shouyou glimpses at the man's crouched silhouette over the railings. Kei follows the movement, less lax.

"I can't. You know I can't. Not after Wakatoshi. Osamu," He teeters. "Not after Tetsu."

He hears the clang of gritted teeth. 

"What are you so afraid of?" Tobio huffs sharply. "You're going to die anyway. The least you could do is tell him."

"And then what?" Kei dares. His shadows slump, resigned to a fate he abhors. "Even if I tell him now, where will that take us? I only have two months but he has the rest of his life to mull over how I screwed him over. Saying anything at this point would just trouble him." 

"It's never too late." Tobio insists. Shouyou acutely picks up the distress of his inflection. 

Kei evinces a droning exhale. Mist fills his reflection in the window panes. 

"But it is." He stresses. "I always take too long. I'm always a step too late. Keiji doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone better."

Shouyou leaves before he hears the rest of it. His steps are leaden, throat tight and parched despite the water he had imbibed. Atsumu does not raise any questions when he snuggles closer to his side, stuck to him like a madman.

He dreads ever being in a world where he's late. He dreads ever being in a world where he stalled his time with Tobio and missed a path he could have taken with Atsumu. He dreads being where Kei is now. 

Just for a moment, he indulges in his selfish thoughts. He buries himself in Atsumu's hold and prays, _fervidly prays_ , to wake up early. In the same house. In the same bed. In the same arms that have enveloped him through countless nights of terror, of imagined panic where neither he nor Atsumu exists. 

"I love you." He does not forget to tell Atsumu.

*

( There are times when Atsumu catches him gazing at Tobio. There are times when he's harried by jealousy that he cannot mutter back a word of confirmation to Shouyou. And when Shouyou asks, he always parries the accusation.

"What you and Tobio had was something." Atsumu would say. "I don't want to be a shitty boyfriend who has to constantly prove himself he can best that."

But sometimes he does. Sometimes they argue over it and Atsumu will concede and profess every bearing he has of Tobio. Of Shouyou. Of the times when it was Tobio _and_ Shouyou and not Shouyou and Atsumu.

And each time, Shouyou is still daunted. Each time, a part of him withers, distraught by the thought that he had failed to assure his lover. Each time, Shouyou is more persistent. 

"What he and I had was something straight out of the movie. The kind of romance that just happens. And yes, it was special. It was fun. It felt like it was everything I wanted. But what you and I had - I needed that. I needed you."

Because Shouyou could choose to fight for Tobio every day if he wanted to. But he didn't. Because Shouyou will still choose Atsumu any given day. )

*

_Dear Dumbo,_

_I heard Kuroo-san proposed to someone. I could see he's happy with her._

_Do me a favour and don't do anything reckless okay?_

_I don't want you breaking off any wedding because of me._

_Stay out of trouble, stupid._

_Love, Kei_

*

"I think Osamu would be happy to hear from you."

The dishes almost slip in Shouyou's clumsy grip. It clatters soundly, startling Julien's idle account of his trip at the mall with Tobio. His retelling of their unlikely venture to a sketchy potion shop is rudely interrupted by Shouyou's screeching apology, dithered from the concerning red splattered across his face. Julien does not hold back on lecturing him about the etiquettes of healthy conversations. 

Kei casts him an unfaltering stare, quick to shut down the other's worries. Atsumu could be as tactless as an inquisitive child and Shouyou is forever grateful Kei neither has the energy nor the intent to lambaste him for it. Perhaps, Julien's oblivious presence was a great influence on the man's decision.

"Kei doesn't mind starting an argument even when I'm around." The child's whisper is loud enough to momentarily mute all of Shouyou's inner turmoil. "This just means he knows your boyfriend only means well." 

Shouyou discards all dishwashing duties for fear of breaking more. He thumps his head on the table's edge, stifling a groan. Julien notes the strain weighing on his back and pats his head. Even with little fingers, Julien's caresses effectively calm him down.

"You are such a pure soul but I'm scared Kei has been teaching you too much." 

"Learning is a treasure," Julien replies smartly. "Kei said I have to do well so I don't end up like certain people."

By _certain people_ , the man had obviously meant Shouyou and Tobio. 

"But you're a kid," Shouyou almost whines. He stretches his arms and haphazardly rests them on the empty expanse of the table. "Adult troubles shouldn't be part of your vocabulary yet."

"Ignorance hurts kids." Julien tuts. "There's no use lying to a kid so early just to betray them in the end."

 _Oh_. That stings more than it should. All at once, the boulder he's been struggling to carry doubles a thousandfold. He peers at Julien and only sees unclouded horizons, the fresh lure of morning dews and sunlit chatters. He ponders, with all the sage knowledge Julien displays, if he knows about _it_. And when Shouyou thinks he does, the grief in his bones seep. 

It's a hideous fate. Shouyou detests the world for putting Julien at the centre of it all.

"I don't think I'm ready to face him yet. Or any of _them_." They hear the conversation carry on from the living room, Atsumu in his favoured lawson chair and Kei on the other.

"How is he?" 

Shouyou discerns the eagerness in Kei's pitch. He listens as Atsumu shifts, arms extended to the seat's headrest. 

"Good." He says. "He's doing good. Business is booming right now. The asshat totally has my face to thank for that."

Kei stills to laugh at the man's sally. His eyes twinkle with mischief, enthused over an opportunity to make fun of someone. "I keep forgetting you guys are twins. I'm glad I dated the smart one."

Shouyou chokes on a cackle as Atsumu squawks. 

"Not the best one though." The man quips. "But anyway, he's been doing well. He asks about you once in a while." 

"Oh." Kei stirs again. "That's surprising."

Shouyou risks the quiet with a swift intervention. 

"Everyone's asking about you." _Everyone_ , he wants to repeat. Just so Kei knows how many people care. Just so Kei knows how many people think of him as home. "Especially Akaashi-san."

"I'll call him," Kei answers knowingly, as if he's been aware all along -that miserable night by the patio, where Shouyou had wept and mourned for him. "But not right now. Only when I'm ready."

Shouyou bites back a scathing _when will you ever be ready_ and nods soundlessly. A minute later, he realises he's been left behind. Atsumu and Kei have started yet another senseless battle of jeers, besting the other for what they're most known for. Gloom permeates the air and prevails even when the room brightens with childish snickers.

"He's a staller, isn't he?" Julien’s faint comment steals his focus. He gapes as the child drones out a tired hum, sounding years older beyond his age. "You adults go through so much unnecessary denial that you end up more miserable than before. What a waste of a life."

Shouyou proclaims right then and there that Julien is the most frightening child he's ever met.

*

_(unsent)_

_Dear Shouyou,_

_How are you guys?_

_Is it true that Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san broke up?_

_Is Akaashi-san okay?_

*

( "They look good together, don't they?"

A jingle of tender giggles echoes around the room. Happiness pervades the high ceilings and surrounds the main hosts of the event. Shouyou trails after Kei's gaze and finds them glued to Akaashi-san's hand. Wrapped tightly by a warmth that isn't his.

They watch as Bokuto-san makes a ridiculous imitation of a comedian, Akaashi-san on his side, looking every bit the loyal supporter of his antics. 

"Oh Kei," Shouyou can only hold him as his fingers quiver. Kei clings on his grip, invisible to the scrutiny of the world.)

*

_(unsent)_

_Dear Dumbo,_

_Fuck, adulting is so hard. I just wanna be young and dumb again._

_I don't know how I'm going to get through this._

_I miss you guys. So much._

_~~(I want to go home)~~ _

*

Tadashi proposes they hold a picnic. Yachi is assigned to prepare food. Blankets will be from Shouyou. Drinks from Tobio. And an onslaught of flat praises from Kei. With the welcomed addition of Julien's twitters. 

Shouyou recalls a memory like this. At the rooftop, five conniving children who snuck into a locked campus and gazed at the skies until dawn. They talked about everything and anything. Dreams bigger than any promises tomorrow could offer them. 

Now they lay on lower ground, embraced by the serenity of meadows and swaying reeds. Tadashi giggles at something he remembers and shares to the group about it. Yachi follows with her own stories. Julien, new to the memories he has not been a part of, adorably demands more. So Shouyou joins them and embarrasses Tobio and Kei with just the mention of a particular Sunday, when Tobio and Kei had been forced to shower together. Tobio yells at the subsequent jabs thrown his way and Kei, somehow saved from humiliation, contributes to his growing records of mishaps. 

Julien heeds attentively to them, in pure, unconstrained awe.

"I wish it could be like this forever." He tells them. "Being here, with everyone."

Kei hugs him tighter to his chest. He twirls a lazy finger on his blonde tresses and jokes, "What, did you hate being only with me so much?"

Julien tilts his chin to meet his father's gaze. With his small hands, he cups the older's cheeks. 

"No." He answers plainly. "It's just that you look happier here. I'm happier when you're happier."

Kei kisses his forehead, uncaring of tremors in his spine and the whines of his aching limbs. 

"Close your eyes." He instructs the boy.

Julien's nose scrunches, a habit of Kei's that is now his. "Why?"

"Just do it."

And so Julien obliges. 

Kei cries then. Wordlessly, tirelessly, _hopelessly_ cries. 

Shouyou hides the threat of his own tears and looks the other way. He only sees Tobio do the same. 

They watch until sunrise. The terror of tomorrow festers in their minds. 

*

"So?" Tobio asks him.

Kei returns from the patio with a phone that does not ring.

"Someone else answered." He replies.

Yachi is already by his side the second he slouches in his seat. "Kei -"

Kei only smiles. The phantom streaks of sadness stay flush on his skin.

"It's okay." He says. Julien murmurs sleepily as Kei begins to pat his head. "I'll just send him a letter."

*

( "Kuroo-san said there was another reason. That it was more than just France."

"I love him. I do."

"But you like _him_ , don't you? You like Akaashi-san."

"You don't understand, Shouyou. He was the other dream." )

*

_Once, there was a prince who dreamt of a bigger world. Each night he looked out his window and gazed at the moon._

_"Let tomorrow be better." He always prays._

_"Let tomorrow be magical." He always hopes._

_Then came a dragon, clad in fire and the flares of the witch's magic. And he -_

"No, wait!" 

Shouyou groans and flops down the couch. He meets Julien's glare of opposition and snickers as the crown slips from his head. 

Tobio's head peeks from the dragon's head, his mascot a dark, scaly green with red spikes at the back. He huffs grumpily under the boy's disapproving rants. "What is it this time?"

"The witch was supposed to come before the dragon!" Julien corrects petulantly. 

Atsumu hums contemplatively from his spot behind the makeshift stage. He scans his copy of the _so-called_ script and glances at Shouyou. "He's right, babe. Yachi comes first, Tobio second then Tadashi last."

"Whoopsies! Sorry about that." Yachi squeaks. She treads carefully to enter the stage. It's made of spare cardboard boxes and painted artfully by Julien (with their much-needed aid, of course). The drapes are the same colour as Yachi's pointy hat, stark red with golden seams. 

"Hold on," This time it's Tadashi who objects. His left hand skims through the script provided to him, a glinting staff secured in his right. "I thought the sorcerer appears at the first act?"

"Whaaat?" Shouyou grouses. "Now I'm confused!"

"As the narrator, you should know this better than we do!" Julien scolds. The red cape dangles on his back. Haughtily, he walks back to his initial position. "Let’s start again! No mistakes this time, okay?"

" _Yeesss_." The rest mumble wearily. Atsumu is the only one who seems to be pleased.

Secretly, the others are too. Shouyou knows. Even after the six retakes that lasted for 2 hours, handsewn mascots doused in sweat and idleness. Even when Julien is still awake and way past his bedtime. Even then, everyone is pleased. Everyone is having fun.

It's Saturday midnight, the only time Shouyou is away from the stress of the world and the uncertainty of tomorrow. The only time he is the happiest.

*

_Dear Shouyou,_

_This might be the last letter._

_I don't know how long it'll be for me._

_But I want you to know that I trust you. All of you._

_And I want you guys to promise me three things:_

_1\. Always read Julien his bedtime stories. He'll get sulky if you don't._

_2\. He's a brat, don't overindulge him._

_3\. Be happy. The happiest you can be._

_Stay alive for me, dumbos. Meet you in the next world._

_Love, Kei._

_p.s. make sure to put a leash on that brat, he likes to run around a lot._

**Author's Note:**

> so uhm, tada? i hope this wasn't much of a bore for you guys (；・∀・)


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